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A Bad Person

March 30, 2008

I broke up with my girlfriend today.

We’d been together for about 4 months, but over that time we didn’t see too much of each other. Due to living pretty far apart, and having various obligations in each of our lives, we couldn’t see each other anywhere near as much as I hoped we could.

Also, she is young, and innocent. She has no or little experience in the way relationships work, and how much effort is required in them, and it did begin to feel a little bit tiring and too much like hard work trying to keep it up.

I thought about breaking up, and she got a little better. But it was still too far from what I needed, and I began to emotionally drift. Then, I decided it wasn’t fair to continue the relationship, and so today, I ended it.

She cried. She cried so much. She wasn’t angry at all. She just said that I was the person she’s liked the most, and thanked me for the time we spent up until now. Then, she left, out into the rain.

…….

I just got a text message from her, apologising for crying and apologising for being a “bad girlfriend”. She knows she held back on expressing her emotions, as it was all too much for her, and now she wishes she had done better. She says if today was our last date, she just wishes we could have gone to see the cherry blossoms together.

We were going to, but it rained.

God, I feel absolutely terrible.

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